Thursday, May 9

Relationship Dynamics

I've been thinking about the fascinating elements two people create/bring/have when they come together. This is what I refer to as a 'Dynamic', which is a less boring word for relationship, but also means more than that.

By two people, I don't just mean a "couple" like two people in love, I mean ANY relationship with ANYone. The dynamic you have with your mom, is not the dynamic you have with your best friend, which is a different dynamic from the co-worker who sits closest to you, or the old high school friend that just called.

I find it fascinating that I don't change, but the dynamic I feel in each relationship does. This seems an obvious statement to make in some ways because no two people are the same, so of course the outcome of each relationship will differ. BUT, what isn't so obvious is the underlying elements of each dynamic. I am always looking at how a relationship feels. Not in terms of words, but in terms of comfort, ease, fluidity, and ultimately, (it sounds strange to say) Benefit.

I say benefit, not because of selfishness... not what a person can take from another... no, what I mean is the benefit of happiness you receive from certain people.  In contrast to the LACK of happiness you have with others. And not just happiness, but your ability to learn from them, to become a better person because they are in your life, and REALLY (the whole reason I'm writing this -->) your ability to like yourself more when you are with them. This is not to say you don't already like yourself, because it's possible, the more you already like yourself, the more you will when you meet someone with such a connecting/cohesive dynamic to you.

Knowing or acknowledging the benefit of liking yourself more, is important... it should tell you who to spend time with and who to avoid.  Occasionally you meet a person where the dynamic you have with them is SO different, and SO refreshing, they not only change how you see yourself, they manage to change how you see many things.

THIS is the Dynamic that has inspired this post. In the last few months I've had a few people enter and leave my life, and the dynamic I felt with them was positive, helpful, loving, happy, inspiring, and all-round Beautiful. There might be no better word for it than Beautiful.

When someone who creates this beneficial dynamic -leaves, (not that they always will) sometimes it's only then that you realize the huge effect they had. Stand back and allow yourself to see and feel that benefit. I saw the benefit while I was enjoying the beauty, but WOW I'm seeing so much continued benefit even after the loss. Such an amazing dynamic effects so many areas of your life.

I choose to concentrate on the continued benefit, NOT the loss. I still crave the benefit of liking myself more, (In the actual exchange with that person), I crave the learning, I crave the laughing, I crave the inspiring beauty already mentioned, but despite the cravings, I continue to benefit.

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