Monday, January 27

The Persephone Effect

I don’t know if this is a real term, or if I’m just making it up to suit what I aim to say, but I see the story of Persephone accurate for how I see Pain and Growth. Without the Winter, there wouldn’t be Spring and Summer. Sorrow is necessary for Happiness. Dying and wilting plants make us appreciate the fresh beauty of yearly green growth returning. The extreme lack I feel in winter I call pain, and the joy I feel once Spring arrives I call growth. This is the Persephone Effect. There is no Spring until Winter is over.

I’ve seen again and again that the majority of my growth comes because of pain. Yes we can grow through little experiences and slightly inconsequential events, but when facing pain, feeling real pain, and having no choice but to deal with a painful ‘thing’, we can either drown in pain or build a boat of growth.

I find drowning so very uncomfortable, I always try to build myself a boat. Not that building a boat is the easy option, but I don’t see drowning easy either.

The knowledge that pain brings you growth helps just a bit… It isn’t much of a light at the end of the tunnel, but if you consciously say to the pain… “I’m now going to build myself a big fucking boat”; you acknowledge no drowning is going to happen. How you build that boat, you may not yet know. Have hope you will figure it out. One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, and don’t be discouraged by it taking a year, because a year of building a big fucking boat means you end up with a bloody awesome ship. Or as the Persephone Effect promises: an incredibly beautiful Spring.

Wednesday, January 22

Lives (plural)

Lets just imagine for a minute that Reincarnation is a huge part of our existence. That it’s part of this spirit/energy I call Me; continuing to live in a physical state so I can take part in “life”, forever growing and learning.

What if there are so many countless things to learn that we couldn’t possibly learn them all in one lifetime?

There are now 8 billion people on this planet. What if that were an indicator of how many things we can learn?  8 billion things. From tying shoelaces, to building spiral staircases.

One of the things we have the capacity to do, and continue doing, is proven in every piece of technology around us; which is the ability to learn. We never stop learning, improving, gaining, becoming better. Since this is the case, I have to wonder how would I only get one life? And if I do, how will I know ENOUGH at the end of it? If there are 8 billion things to learn, and in one lifetime I can manage to get 2 million things learned, what about the 7,998,000,000 things I didn’t learn? Is 2 million enough? Enough to benefit me in the next place? And there clearly is a next place because Energy does not disappear. The energy inside this body, pumping the blood, making me think, giving me the ability to move my fingers and type words, THAT energy doesn’t just suddenly NOT exist when it stops making my body work. So, why wouldn’t it move to another physical body? I reckon it’s totally possible it does.

I’m not saying I know if we move from human to animal, then back again, or if we stay human life after life, I have no idea. I am saying that it seems learning is a big part of existing. And that being the case, it just stands to reason there is more to learn than you can accomplish in one life time. Not only that, the circumstances of each lifetime for each of us can be so varied we couldn’t possibly learn the same things as another person. We couldn’t possibly all die having learned the same life lessons. 

For example: a white woman born and raised in Carmel CA dying at the age of 70 will not have learned the same things as a black woman born and raised in Brooklyn NY dying at the age of 35. Those are two very different people having learned countless different things throughout life. Compare those two to a woman in Turkey who is regularly beaten by her husband who she married at 16, or a woman living in a remote village in Iceland without telephones, television, or internet.  You see where I’m going with this surely.

Are we to assume that however short a life, or however long, each person has learned all they were supposed to learn?
I don’t believe that’s possible. It just plain doesn’t resonate as true to me. There’s just toooo much to learn. So I find myself leaning toward Reincarnation. We seem to be a species of intelligence. (Often not so intelligent, but a species of thinkers.) There seems to be plenty to suggest that WHO we are doesn’t disappear. It continues existing. Maybe we even spend some of “life” existing as a planet floating through space. Who knows, maybe there is many forms we will experience, and maybe we come back to “human” off and on throughout eternity. (I love what if’s)

Here’s what I do know. There seems to be some elements of knowledge inside me that I don’t know where they came from. I think it’s more than likely I’ve done this human thing before. A few unspoken pieces of knowledge seem to exist in my head, and I don’t know how they got there.
So for now… today… I believe I’m living one of many lives.

Thursday, January 16

Human, Humane? Um, No.

This last November TIME announced:
”The Western black rhinoceros has officially been declared extinct by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN), the world’s largest conservation network.”

I almost have nothing to say because I have too many things I want to say. There is so much wrong with humans causing extinction that I’m almost too overwhelmed by thoughts to articulate them.

We are “new” to this planet -relative to animals. You could call us the newcomer, or the visitor, or the greenie. And yet we act like this planet is ours, we were here first, we own it, we have rights to do with it what we want… and by god, -we are convinced of it.

If animals could talk and express their point of view, they’d have some harsh words to deliver, which would likely start with “You Effing Arrogant Sods.” As much as we supposedly “care”, humans seem to see all other life on this planet as theirs for the taking, theirs for the eating, theirs for the killing, and theirs for the sport. “THEIRS” because they are smarter than animals and have the ability to do it.

This arrogance is so very severe that OTHER SPECIES much older than humans are suddenly no longer here BECAUSE of humans!!

The Black Rhinoceros is one of the horrific witnesses to what humans do. If you don't know why they are extinct now, go looking.

I have been in a few conversations where people believe animals have been put on this planet for Human use. (by god) But that does not resonate because animals arrived COUNTLESS years before humans. I’m not going to argue who arrived first since science proves animals did. What I am actually here to point out is the irony in the word Humane.

1. characterized by tenderness, compassion and sympathy for people and animals. Especially for the suffering or distressed.
2. of or pertaining to humanistic studies.

1. a person having a strong interest in or concern for human welfare, values, and dignity.
2. a person devoted to or versed in the humanities.
Of or pertaining to human affairs, nature, welfare, or values.

The word HUMANE comes from the word HUMAN. Yet the meaning of the word does not describe the attitude or actions of Humans. Killing a species to the point of extinction is not Humane. But these actions ARE HUMAN.
Lets stop pretending that this HUMANE element in HUMANs exists. We know what the word actually means. We know it doesn’t happen, we should all agree to let it disappear by the way-side since the world is so full of arrogance, greed, murder, and hate.
There’s no species on this planet trying to destroy this planet… other than humans. Destroying the land (fracking), the water (radiation), the air (chem trails), and all life living on it (in endless ways).

It’s far too ridiculous to me that the word Humane as it pertains to “tenderness, compassion, sympathy, dignity, values” derives from “Human”.

I’m holding up the BS Card on this one!!

“Compassion for animals is intimately associated with goodness of character, and it may be confidently asserted that he who is cruel to animals cannot be a good man.”

― Arthur SchopenhauerThe Basis of Morality

Saturday, January 11

The Little Ones

With the most beautiful round face, and full lipped smile, a sweet little girl of 4 years sat on the couch and beamed. It was her big sister’s birthday, and since she adored her big sister, she was excited to be at the party and included in the fun.

This beautiful 4 year old was born with a capacity of love most of us don’t even know. Her genuine glowing happiness was as yet undamaged, unafraid, and innocently secure. She hadn’t to date been shouted at too many times by her dad, ignored and labeled annoying by one of her big sisters, and still untortured by the cruelty of adolescence. Her perfectly beautiful cheery disposition was immense.

”I love you tremendously” one would hear and have to believe from such an honest source. Her affection, her willingness, her ability to be so dear was easy for this innocent child.

As time passed, the shouting father took his toll. The label of “pest” was applied by big sister, and the mean neighborhood girls made her decide church was not the place to go for kindness and love.
The father got meaner, the big sister abandoned her, and she learned people can so easily be assholes.

The beautiful little girl with the full lipped smile became a big girl who learned to adjust and keep her feelings to herself. She found a key to lock up her heart and firmly closed the door to her safe. She learned that alone was preferable to the company of people who are continually disappointing.

One of the most perfectly beautiful children became a sheltering, damaged adult. Everyone disappointed, everyone hurt, everyone was no one to trust with her heart.

Today it’s her birthday. She turns 35, which is so hard to believe when I can recall that beaming big smile of my little sister so easily. I guess she’s a grown-up. Nothing in me accepts 35 in its entirety. I still think of her as little.

I wish I could give her the gift of glowing happiness like she once had. I wish I could change the way life played out; and not been part of the destruction for her capacity to love. I wish the adult me could hug and hold the little her.

What I feel is this:
Whoever you are, whatever your age, cherish the little ones. Shelter their beauty and love as long as possible; protecting it, never shouting at it, or harming it in any way. Love it back, be kind, laugh, smile, and APPRECIATE. Because you can’t give it back, Birthday or no birthday, that’s a gift that can't be given, it can only be not taken.

I love you Jae.

Wednesday, January 8

A note to Mr Chesney

Dear Kenny,
It’s snowing outside; has been all day. Yesterday was a shade of gray that could steal the sparkle from diamonds. I’m already so good for Winter to be over, I have my swim suits moved up to the top drawer of my dresser.

This afternoon I’ve been working on some sewing I need to finish while listening to “Peace is the way” by Deepak Chopra. (an amazing book) As disk 5 finished I decided I might like a change from spoken words to music considering the gray-blah of the day was winning-out over optimism the sun will eventually return.

I went to my CD collection and wanted something I knew guarantees smiles irrespective of oppressing winter cruddiness.
Mr. Chesney it would be!
I pulled out 5 cd’s and nearly headed to the player with all of them when I decided to be rational since I can’t listen to any of your CD’s only once. I may as well only choose one CD since it would be listened to endlessly for the rest of the day.
I chose The Road & the Radio. Which is why I write you this note. It’s been a few new favorite Kenny CD’s since I listened to that one, and I was reminded of a few things.

I love singing with you, -more so than any singer.
I love that album.
You speak to the smiles in me.

As Deepak Chopra says: “Your intention shapes reality.” So I need you to know of my joy for you. Your music lifts me 100% of the time. And in a world with plenty to complain about it’s vital for ME to let you know:
“…baby you save me.”

Wednesday, January 1

Being Responsible for:

Who do you have to answer to?
Whose happiness are you responsible for?
Who owns you?
Who dictates your moves, actions and choices?
Who should?
Who acts like they should?

These are all good questions. I’m actually not sure I have the answers to these questions, because there are people in my life acting like their name should be the answer. I’m inclined to think My Name should be the answer to all of them. I WANT my name to be the answer to all of them.

So here’s the next question: If I feel I should be answering to myself, responsible only for my happiness, owning myself, dictating my own moves/actions/choices… Does that mean I don’t/can’t if others are insisting they should?

If they are insisting it without realizing, does that change anything?

If I want to insist I answer to myself, I dictate what I do, I’m only responsible for me; -do I have to flat out say:
You are not my responsibility!
I do not answer to you!
It’s not my job to make sure you are happy.

Or do I let it slide? One could argue that letting it slide is teaching them how to treat me. That THIS element of running of my life is ok, when it’s not.

We like to start each year off on the right foot, and I am seeing that I have allowed much along the lines of letting others feel they can dictate my moves/actions/choices; apparently convincing them I am responsible to answer to them.

One of the things I’ve been writing about in a book I’ve written on self esteem is: Being Self-full. I think I’m realizing I need to let some people know that my self-full-ness is more important than I conveyed in the past.

This is a tricky lesson I’m learning. I see Self-full-ness as a very healthy thing again and again, the problem is people who don’t want to you be Self-full, and want to be hurt by your desire to get there.

I’d like to find someone who has mastered the art of Self-full, I’d love to have a nice long chat!