Thursday, October 23

Living in a Bubble, and it’s a good thing…

The world we live in could be seen as a box. This box is dominated and run by money, corruption, politics, war, disease, poverty and all the awful stuff you can think of. This is where we live, with no ability to exit.

Inside this box, each of us has the power to create a bubble if we want to. A bubble that not only protects us from that harsh box, but allows us to be a unique individual floating around in the awfulness; sheltered and somewhat in a world of our own. We also get the added benefit of seeing things with that colorful bubbly sheen. We still have the ability to see through the bubble, interacting with the box as necessary, spending money, paying taxes, living with corruption, all the cruddy stuff, but with less of the mental turmoil. The sharp edges don’t hurt, and everything looks a little iridescent.

Those living in the box not wanting to create bubbles are sitting on the sharp edges without protection, without hope, without the added benefits that come by choosing to create a bubble for themselves. In addition to the general yuk of the box, people without bubbles have to come in contact with one another, and be directly affected. Without bubbles, those bubble-less individuals have to live lives according to others because they have no bubble to dictate otherwise. No cushion, no saving grace, no shield, and no ability to float away and off the harsh surface. This is particularly uncomfortable for us if the bubble-less individuals are a forceful spouse or a problematic child. When family members don’t have bubbles, it’s very easy to struggle with having our own bubble.

The people most able to create and keep bubbles are single individuals. These people don’t have to deal with someone else, they don’t have to take kids into consideration, and what their bubble is based on -is their call. No partner dictating what they do, no husband or wife constantly complaining… and the reason single individuals are the most successful at creating bubbles, is that bubbles are only created individually. There are no two-man bubbles, because we are individuals, only in charge of ourselves. We can’t make decisions for others, we can’t dictate beliefs, happiness, actions, or anything for anyone but ourselves.

This doesn’t mean that people who aren’t single, can’t keep a bubble of their own, they can. But often it comes at the sad realization of it being necessary because the partner or spouse becomes too painful to deal with, when we have no bubble. Which brings me to the point that sometimes when we feel the need to create this bubble, people don’t like it, and they try to bust it. They'd rather we sit on the harsh crowded surface with them. We literally start creating a world for ourselves where we choose how we see things, and others can become very NOT ok with that. They use any means to try and pop it, wanting you to live without a bubble like them.

This all sounds just a little bit like craziness if you aren’t used to me and the way I try to explain thoughts through visual examples. Really, how should I explain the fact that we each decide our lives? We choose how we view things, how we interact with things, and how we are (or can be) in total control of our own happiness? (or lack there of) We decide how much worry we live with, how much pressure we have, how little pleasure we enjoy.

From inside my bubble, I am deciding who my “god” is, who I want to become, how I want to view my life, what I aim to achieve, and really… really… who I want in my life. I know this sounds like a crazy concept, but I just can’t wrap my head around other people being in charge of my life, my time, my happiness, and my PERSPECTIVE.

That’s pretty much it. I decide everything. So do you. Who knew we were so in charge?

Well, we are now.

Tuesday, October 14

Fantastical Fear

If you haven’t already noticed, you really need to give some credit to the amazing nature of fear. Its qualities are thoroughly impressive, its success rate incredibly high, and it might just be the second most powerful force in the universe. It’s fantastically capable, fantastically superior, fantastically useful, and fantastically successful.

I say it’s the second most powerful force, but it is not the second most successful force... it is number one on the success scale. Fear hasn’t just got a mantle of trophies for all its wins, it has baseball fields full… no, oceans full of trophies. We all regularly let fear win, we throw the game, and we are losers.

I wish somebody could show me a win, living and playing on the same side as fear. You can’t. People who know the power of fear, use it. Not just individuals either: groups, sects, parties, clergy’s… All their power is fear based, and all you have to do is try to explain out loud to yourself why that isn’t true to hear yourself explaining how successful fear is.

This fact is so basic and part of who we are, we can’t even see it. It’s like breathing air. We are so used to it, it’s just part of our existence. We have integrated fantastical fear into life so well, we don't even notice it.

Well what if you started noticing it? What if you decided you aren’t going to throw the game anymore, stop handing over trophies, and you started calling out “foul” to everything using fear tactics?

First you would have to stop watching the news. Very little “news” these days isn’t full of fear. It’s getting almost ridiculous the lengths “they” are going to, to ensure you feel fear. They also want you to feel you need to know “what’s going on”, so they can be sure to keep you bombarded by fear.

What if 75% of people disconnected their TV’s? Or what if they just stopped watching the news? If that was the only thing that changed, guess what would happen? The drop in the level of control would have them freaking out! If people don’t watch TV, they aren’t made to feel fear, if they are not feeling fear, what is making them do what they are told to do? How will people all end up with the same opinion? (–the desired opinion) They wouldn’t, so the need to control what people believe is huge. We must be kept in fear for the success rate of control.

Fear = Success. Don’t forget that. We can’t always see the end goal of fear, but you can hear it in the coaching.

Another reason I think it’s so successful is that a crazy number of people like to be unhappy. They need reasons to complain, they insist things aren’t good, and nothing an optimist does or says will change that. There is some freakish type of pleasure that is gained from unhappiness and living in fear. People even say how uncomfortable they are, how much pain they are in, how unhappy they are, and if given an alternative, still say “no thanks”. I have no idea why people do this, they just like to be uncomfortable, unhappy, and feeling scared.

My ability to see this does not make me immune to fear, but it does mean I don’t play the game. I’m unwilling to play. I’m not going to be a loser, I am not believing all the fear, and although I don’t often know what the alternative is, I don’t need to know, since I am just choosing NON-FEAR every time I hear something attempting to make me afraid.

I even consciously decide “I don’t believe you” when the attempt is the creation of fear. Ya, whatever it is might be real or true, but if they are going to be all about fear, and what I should fear, and what I do because of fear, my new answer is essentially “I don’t play that game”. And I walk on.

Fear either exists in our heads, or it doesn’t. Our only true freedom is the freedom we have to think what we want. You can be told to be afraid, you can choose unhappiness and worry, and you can swim in fear, or you can acknowledge and ignore it.

You might even be afraid to believe me…your call my friends, your call.

Wednesday, October 1

Genuinely Genuine

You know how, when you put something on your radar, you notice it all over the place?
Like when you get a new car, you start noticing your car driving on the road around you, when you didn’t before.

I’ve had self esteem on my radar for so long I’m at the point where I think I can see in the expressions of people when they like themselves, and when they don’t. I can hear it in their voices, the subtle expressions they make, and sometimes I try to change it just by my short interaction with them.

I won’t say for definite I’m totally accurate, because it also looks and sounds like comfortable vs uncomfortable... So I can easily say they are uncomfortable, but I might not be accurate to include with that having a poor self esteem, or them not liking themselves.

However, I do find the one thing that is totally connected with self esteem in most cases is the comfort/discomfort thing. Where that comes into play is the way we feel after assigning assumptions to the way we think OTHERS perceive us. Or another easier way to say it… whether or not we think people like us.
 
Thus, my interaction with them, my tone of voice, my intention to convey acceptance always changes the persons expression, changes their tone, and I very seldom fail. So… it seems they find it easier to like themselves, or to be comfortable if I do my part to communicate acceptance and non-judgemental-ness.

And this, has everything to do with MY being comfortable. I’ve even noticed that if I’m comfortable enough to communicate through body language and facial expression (like being silly) that I don’t care how I’m perceived, people like me MORE. If I am genuine, and just open to looking or sounding silly without repercussion, people get comfortable.

Now, I don’t know if you can see where this is going, 'cause it’s a little hidden. But, If I start out comfortable, I encourage them to be comfortable, then if I SHOW I’m comfortable, they show they like me, which in turn increases my self esteem which allows me to be more comfortable. If I put it in a circle… I can show that the first thing leads right back to itself, and at each revolution of the circle, self esteem only increases. BTW, I’m not just talking about myself here… I’m saying you should try to notice this, and do it.

So the more you are genuine, the more you are you, the more comfortable you become, the more people like you, the more you feel liked, the more you like yourself, and then the more comfortable you are… and on that revolution of the circle turns.

I’m not saying that every person out there is going to have to be relied on to make your circle turn. That’s impossible: No way everyone will like you, that has to just be accepted, but… as you are genuinely you, and comfortable, many people will inevitably like you. And for most, the acknowledgement that people like them, DOES affect whether or not they like themselves. I wish we could all just easily and quickly make our choice and be happy with ourselves. Like whether or not we want Pizza for dinner. “Hell ya, I want pizza for dinner!” That was easy!

The reason I write this, is because I experienced this the other day. I was a bit animated in a story I was telling, and for some reason was very comfortable. It was in a conversation with someone I am familiar with, they noticed, and commented on how much they like me. THEN immediately after, I spoke with someone who was a stranger but I used that same comfort level, and told another story, (animated) and I got the same reaction!

People want you to be genuine. They want you to be yourself. They find it (really each of us finds it) refreshing and nice to be around people who are happy in their skin. The ones who are chill with the life they’ve been dealt, and comfortable having genuine interactions. We want to be around those people, so lets be those people.