Monday, September 16

Obsessing, Dwelling & Worrying

“I need to stop obsessing”
“Why do I keep dwelling on this?”
Are you like me and you’ve asked yourself these questions?

Most often what we obsess/dwell/worry over are things we don’t like and can’t change.
There must be some part of us that hopes all the uncomfortable mental time we put towards it will make a difference in some way.

And yet, it doesn’t. 

What ends up making a difference for me, is realizing that I need to STOP the obsessing/dwelling/worrying, and see it differently. When I finally get sick of being uncomfortable, and I change my thoughts, it’s then I’m able to “fix” the situation.

Eckhart Tolle suggests we say to ourselves: “I don’t mind” when we encounter an uncomfortable situation/thought. I personally struggle with NOT minding, and find it just a tiny bit easier to say to myself “I don’t know”, because for some reason allowing myself to consider maybe knowing in the future is a little bit like not minding. It’s like letting myself temporarily not mind, when not minding at all isn’t what I want to do.

If we can be conscious in the tried and tested knowledge that the obsessing/dwelling/worrying doesn’t bring us greatness/happiness/joy; can we stop doing it? Or even just stop doing it sooner?

I would like to suggest we can.

I’m also going to go a bit hippy-fide here, and bring up being present. If I’m able to stop myself and be present, saying:
“Hey, Natalie… What are you doing worrying about something you couldn’t possibly change by feeling worry?”
Or, “Hey, Natalie… Are you wasting effort dwelling on something you have no control over?”
Then I’m able to be present with an honest answer.

The thing is, I can’t answer these questions with anything that sounds sensible, because I know full well that no uncomfortable feelings will fix anything.
If I choose to see things uncomfortably, if I swim in that… I really had better not complain about what I’m choosing.

I am however, the type of person who wants to be complaining about anything that doesn’t feel great.
I’m going to choose to be present, I’m going to choose to not obsess/dwell/worry, and I’m going to accept “I don’t know” -more often.


  1. I am a worrier. Always have been. I don't have the mindset to be able to say I don't know because unless I get something sorted I worry so much that I give myself a migraine. I don't deal in 'maybe's' and 'don't knows' very well. I'd love to be less definite but it's just not my way. Maybe that is why I am so darn hard on myself all the time :-)

    1. Knowing how lovely you are Ali, I wish I could snatch the worrying and take it away for you... If only right?
      I hope one day you are able to see that you don't benefit by worry. Sounds like the Headaches ensure you don't benefit.