Wednesday, February 5

“Get on the Horse!”

Many years ago I found myself regularly wanting my life to be different, seeing no way out of what I had created for myself, and wishing that some knight in shining armor, or the Lone Ranger would turn up and say “Get on the horse!” I didn’t want to have a choice, I wanted to be saved from my life by just doing what I was told and leaving -via that horse.

Oddly, I did not have a castle in mind to which I would escape to, no mountain top, no secluded island, nothing. I had no destination in mind, I just concentrated on the being saved from my life and the idea it could happen as fast as climbing onto a horse.

More years have passed than I want to admit to, but when I look back on it, I am able to recall that desire as clear as any in my head.

I no longer feel I need to be saved, I love my life, where I am, who I am, and there is no horse required here… but, I’m torn.

Does the fact I was not saved on a horse mean that nobody ever is? What if somebody needs me to turn up for them with a horse? What if I can see me and Tonto are needed and I think I can help? Should I?

Here’s what I’m feeling: I have no desire to push anyone into anything. I don’t want to decide anything for anyone because I am an advocate of choice. Despite my desire having been one of being forced years ago, I am currently saying: “So, I have this horse here… We’re just hanging out… If you think you might need a ride out of town, we can help. You can get on the horse if you want to.”

Can I help anyone with my invisible horse? Can I really do anything for anyone? Are we all truly alone without a horse to save us or someone else? And if I do save them, will they be able to reach the space I reached by NOT getting on the horse? I reached that space of happiness through a very long and arduous walk. Does that only come from NOT being saved?

I don't know... cause now I have a horse, and I'm willing to share.

What might be best, is if each of us didn’t wish for someone else to arrive on a horse, but instead for each of us to get on our own damn horse!

Maybe I can deliver horses...

1 comment:

  1. Only if its a wild horse then I might take you up on that offer however long and rocky my walk is...well I can see it's not long to go and the rocks turns into sand. I will continue walking.