Monday, June 2

Someone who is Solace

One of the things I spend a lot of time writing about but not sharing, is how I see my life married vs. single. Not because I want to compare the two, but because I have done so much growing since divorcing my husband of 12 years. Many light bulbs have come on, many dots connected, so many realizations have happened since becoming single, that I have no choice but to notice and compare the two ways of life.

I also spend so much more time with people in general since becoming single. I have changed my job, and changed my way of thinking. I also notice relationship dynamics so much more now that I interact with more people, and on a shallow cheerful level for only moments at a time. As compared to my last job and the detail in which I had to delve into people lives. 

I’m fascinated how my current job seems to allow me to be myself more, and in that, I get to know myself better. I'm in a job that forces perspective because the nature of what I do is not life altering, or anything important. I work with coffee, and so I get to hand over a smile, and a much wanted cup of happiness. If anything goes wrong, "it's coffee, we fix it." But in this line of non-critical work, talking to many people, and finding myself perfectly comfortable to be myself, I get to have new comparisons on my life single and free, vs tied and married. No I'm not going to go off on a tangent about marriage and how awful it is, (which it sounds like I'm going to do.) I just want to point out that when you are single, and free to be yourself, responsible for only yourself, you are allowed AND forced to feel everything. There is an element of freedom in the responsibility of only worrying about yourself, but there is also a burden of responsibility because you have nobody to rely on to get the bills paid, help you solve problems, or have a shoulder to lean on.

What has also happened, is I am liking myself more. It's like I'm finally knowing myself, I'm able to be myself, and I am more me than I have been at any time in my life. I think this is also because of age and finally realizing that the opinions of others don't matter. My life, I rock it, or I don't. My call.

I might sound like I'm in love with the single life. I'm not. I am getting to know myself well enough that I see how much more enjoyable life can be when you have someone to share it with. Laughing, Eating, Walking, Sightseeing, these are things that are LESS fun alone, and four things I want my life to be full of.

I’m a little slow to my point again (this happens a lot lately), but I’m wanting to acknowledge something that many of us miss out on. When we fall in love and get married, we don't always know ourselves to begin with, and we are young enough we don't have the education that comes with experience and comparison. What many of us don't find, and don't know we should find, is someone who is Solace.

When you find someone who is Solace for you, they are easy to be with, you can be yourself, comfortable talking and comfortable in silence. They make you feel like you don't need to do anything but enjoy them. And then when you are in their company, you can't think of anywhere you would rather be.

I’ve decided this is not a skill, but a working combination. Like salt and pepper, cheese and cucumbers, peanut butter and honey. When you find that winning combination, and you get to feel Solace with someone, do two things: appreciate every minute of it, and don’t let it go.

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